Chapter Five

THE SEARCH

Introduction

SAVE A PLACE DO YOU KNOW SONG OF THE SAILOR
IN SEARCH OF EDEN SEARCHING CHASING SHADOWS
STILL ON THE RUN AGAIN FOREVER AFTER
NO ONE TO BLAME HOME AGAIN PRICE OF FREEDOM
NO PLACE TO RUN THE WAY IT GOES SOMEDAY
WRITER'S QUESTION ANSWERS IN THE WIND BEYOND OUR DESTINY


 

Introduction

This chapter is dedicated to the child in all of us. That person inside who is never really satisfied with life as it is but is always searching for deeper meanings and new experiences.

Everyone has had that desire to reach out for more, to find that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Some of us search for it our whole lives while others are content with the truths and realities they find earlier in life. But mankind as a whole is always searching for something more. We could never have come this far if it wasn't for the dreamers among us.

The title of this book itself and the opening "poem" are derived from my perception of what a dreamer is. Everyone is, to some extent, a dreamer. We all search for our own reality and everyone of us has a different idea of what we want that reality to be. The world as it is is sometimes pretty hard to take. The whole concept of religion is based on the idea that there's something more out there. Something beyond this life we all have to go through.

I've never considered myself to be a religious person but I've always hoped for a better world out there somewhere and I've spent a lot of time and energy looking for that world. I think this chapter best describes that time spent and if there are a few dreamers out there who read this I'm sure you'll be able to relate quite well to some of the things I've written here.

So come with me now and let us search for "the underlying theme, a wishful view of a different reality".

A. W. G.


SAVE A PLACE (FOR THE DREAMER)

There's no place in the world
For a dreamer,
Who has seen all his dreams
Fade away.
He has searched all his life
For the answers,
Just to find there's a price
He can't pay.

There are times when he grows so
Tired of searching.
And the truth seems to be
A losing cause.
But he just ignores the weariness
And hurting,
While he makes a stand before
The final fall.

He will rise above the pain
And silent anger,
As he reaches out to touch
The morning sun.
Though he knows each day can bring
Some changes,
He decides to take his chances
On the run.

Save a place in your heart
For the stranger,
Who lives his life outside
Reality.
And you'll learn a thing or two about
The danger,
Of putting faith in dreams
That can never be.


DO YOU KNOW (SONG OF A LOSER)


Do you know what it feels like
To lose everything?
Just when you're winning,
You lose it again.

Now tell me,
How does it feel?
Can you show me,
Is it something unreal?

Do you know what it's like now,
Just stumbling along?
No one to help you,
Feel so alone.

The darkness,
Starts creeping in.
Surrounds him,
It's closing him in.

And the answers that he's searching for
Are somewhere out beyond the dark.
A brighter place, a distant star.
Please show him what he's looking for.

Do you know what he's feeling,
Have you felt it before?
If he just gave up trying,
Would he lose anymore?

The Loser,
Still wants to play.
If he gambles,
Will he throw it away?

Does he know the rules now,
Or is this a game?
Playing for keeps,
Or going insane.

The reasons,
Harder to find.
Reality,
Is it all in your mind?

Is there something yet to see,
A dream come true or fantasy.
Or was it never meant to be,
An empty vision left for me.


SONG OF THE SAILOR

Sailing away to somewhere,
Lost on the open sea.
No one to hold, no one to love.
Just the wind, the sun and me.

Lonely is the life of a sailor,
Adrift with his handful of dreams.
Sailing into the sunset,
Further away than it seems.

Trying to catch the drifting wind,
And find the drifting sand.
Riding waves of loneliness,
To find the promised land.

Looking for someone to know,
Searching distant places.
Catching a ride on the ocean,
To find some friendly faces.

The night grows black with emptiness,
No stars to burn the sky.
Cloudy heavens growl with pain
As God begins to cry.

An evil wind that blows tonight,
Drives in the slashing rain.
And tells of a fearful desperate wish
To find the sun again.

And now the eastern sea turns gray,
To promise a rising sun.
The sunrise is so beautiful,
He prays for future ones.

The sailor, silent, by the rail,
A smile for each new day.
But loneliness is always there,
The smile soon goes away.

Always searching for answers,
To questions of life and love.
While dreaming of an angel
Who waits, sent from above.

Never will his searching end,
The loneliness he'll ignore.
He'll ride the waves to find a love,
And dream forevermore.


IN SEARCH OF EDEN

Dreams,
Like driftwood on the sea,
Floating by through time,
On the oceans of Eternity.

They sail on forever,
But where do they go?
If by chance they all came true,
Would we ever know?

Love,
Like sunlight in your eyes.
Filters through your heart,
On Emotion's cloudy skies.

We're lost here together,
But someday we'll know,
Just how much a love can mean
If we let it show.

Tears,
Like raindrops from the soul,
Falling through your dreams.
Only love can stop the flow.

This world of emotions,
Our innermost storm.
We seek shelter in love,
Keeps us safe and warm.

Hope,
Like the dawning of a day.
It wakes us from our dreaming,
Praying love will stay.

In search of Eden,
Love's lost paradise.
So many tears are shed
For love's own sacrifice.


SEARCHING

I am just a lost soul,
Whose stories you have heard.
I traveled 'cross the country
Searching for the feelings
I put into words.

When I left my home and lover,
I was just a simple boy.
A stranger in a city,
In a city full of strangers,
I could find no joy.

I was looking for that something
We never seem to find.
Searching, always searching,
But I couldn't see the feelings
I had left behind.

Now they're gone.
I'm alone,
With silent memories of what could have been.
All my friends,
Tried to tell me I was wrong, I didn't listen.
Now they're gone,
And I'm alone.

I have seen the sun rise in the east,
And watched it slowly die.
So many empty highways,
And all those restless rest stops
Where I stopped to cry.

I have seen so many rainbows,
But I never found the gold.
Searching but not finding,
I never touched the riches
Now I'm growing old.


Somewhere I lost the questions,
Or the answers never came.
Somehow I lost my innocence
But never did I realize
I was not the same.
Now it's gone.
I'm alone
And crying softly in the falling rain.
Who's to blame?
The rights and wrongs never really mattered.
Now it's gone,
And I'm alone.

But still I think I may have learned,
What this life's about.
The sound of children laughing,
The simple happiness
In the joyful shouts.

Or the peaceful look of lovers,
Walking hand in hand.
The beauty of togetherness.
Sometimes the simplest things
Are hard to understand.

And now I finally realize that life
Isn't always what it seems.
We spend our whole lives searching,
But do we ever understand
We're only chasing dreams?

When they're gone,
We're all alone,
With just our strength and will to carry on.
We're not alone.
That's the moral to this song, do you understand?
I'm not alone.
I'm going home.


CHASING SHADOWS

Somewhere lost inside a memory,
There was a man
I used to know.
But he disappeared one evening,
Where lonely thoughts
And lovers go.

Now I follow in his shadow,
Still hoping we
May meet someday.
Though I fear if it should happen,
We wouldn't have
A thing to say.

It's not easy to remember,
A face that once
I knew so well.
Life must have changed the image,
Or was it time?
It's hard to tell.

Still life keeps drifting onward,
So many things
I've yet to learn.
Though the past is not forgotten,
The future waits,
The world must turn.

I continue on my journey,
Not knowing if
We'll meet again.
Holding on to that one memory,
Until I know
I've reached the end.

And if our paths are destined,
To cross one more
I'll finally see,
If the shadow I've been chasing,
Was really just
A part of me.

STILL


Sometimes it seems,
You lose your way
And never realize
The smiles and dreams
Of yesterday,
Have found a new disguise.

You're losing touch
With sanity,
And time goes swiftly by.
Your life is such
A mystery,
And still you wonder why.

Did you forget
The happiness,
You used to feel inside,
Or did you let
Your only wish,
Escape you while you cried?

I guess there's still
A lot to learn,
Before we see the truth.
And yet until
Our faith returns,
We can't escape our youth.

So here we are
Within our Hell,
Just waiting for the fall.
We traveled far
To find ourselves,
And nearly lost it all.

But still there's time
To win the game,
If we can form a team.
Someday we'll find
We're not the same,
And life's not what it seems.

ON THE RUN AGAIN


So many miles before me
And many left behind.
No time to stop and rest,
Or ease my weary mind.

Another boarding pass,
A good-bye kiss and then,
Departure time is here,
I'm on my way again.

On the move again,
Seen so many places
That I've never been.
When will it end?

Now I'm all alone,
Thinking of a lover,
I left at home.
I'm on my own.

Just minutes left till flight time,
As the tears begin to flow.
Last look through the window,
As the wheels begin to roll.

Hear the engines screaming,
Wheels are off the ground.
My heart is like the runway,
Quickly sinking down.

Flying high again,
This time like the last time.
Floating with the wind,
Alone again.

Oh, God, I miss you babe,
Though I just now said good-bye.
Nothing left to say,
I'm on my way.


Earth drops down below us,
Clouds are closing in.
Climbing through the mist,
To see the sun again.

Blue sky all around me,
Clouds like drifting snow.
Such a lonely feeling,
I thought I'd never know.

Leaving once again,
Sometimes I have to wonder,
Can we stand the pain?
No one understands.

That's the way it is,
Life's not always easy.
Only thing I miss,
Your gentle kiss.

When I was so much younger,
I knew I wouldn't stay.
All I ever seemed to want,
Was just to get away.

Always on the run,
To seek my destiny.
Now those restless years,
Are catching up with me.

Still on the run,
Never looking back,
To things I've done.
I chase the sun.

I'm growing old,
Days are so much shorter,
And nights are cold.
Dreams I sold.

Now the urge is gone,
I'd like to settle down.
Enjoy some happiness,
Thanks to you I found.

This flight will soon be over,
Or will it ever end?
Just when I think it's done,
It's time to start again.


FOREVER AFTER

I don't want to change the world,
I just want to see it go on turning.
I don't want to change my heart,
I just want to save my love from burning.

Do you feel the same way too?
Come and see if we can find the answers.
I know we'll see it through somehow,
If we take the time to take the chances.

We all search for happiness,
Lost here in this emptiness,
Reaching for the sky to keep from falling.
Hoping we can find a way,
Searching for a brighter day,
Listening to the future softly calling.

Don't give me your second best,
We'll do more than all the rest,
Save your dreams from fading into laughter.
Keep your smile and let it shine,
Put your past mistakes behind,
Let them rest in peace forever after.

Our lives keep changing every day,
Sometimes it's hard to keep from crying,
Time goes faster now it seems,
I feel the youth within me quickly dying,

We're finding what our life's about,
It's so much clearer now to me.
Though we may never touch the stars,
We'll see their glow in every memory.

Can't you feel it coming on?
I'll write the words, you sing the song,
The beating of our hearts provides the rhythm.
Beat gets stronger through the years,
Music takes away the tears,
Our souls will share the love our hearts can give.

And in the end I'm sure we'll see,
All our dreams were meant to be,
We'll keep on believing if we have to.
We can make them all come true,
We'll do what we have to do,
To make the feelings last forever after.


NO ONE ELSE TO BLAME

It seems I've been a long time on this road.
At times I stop and wonder why.
Same face in the mirror growing old,
As life, and time, and answers pass me by.

Many miles I have traveled all alone,
Looking for someone to share my heart.
I guess you can never go back home,
I should have realized it from the start.

Now I'm trying to find some peace of mind,
To help me through the lonely days ahead.
It's hard to leave the memories behind,
No knowing why I chose the life I've led.

The feelings just don't always stay the same,
When looking back at things I should have done.
I understand there's no one else to blame,
My own worst enemy I can't outrun.


HOME AGAIN

I've been climbing ever higher,
And I'm trying to keep my feet
Above the fire.
I'm so alone,
It's been so long,
And I wonder if I'll ever make it home.

I've been losing so much time,
Afraid to take the steps
To change my mind.
But it's done,
I think I won.
The journey to my freedom has begun.

And my highway stretches out now,
I've Just begun to try and figure out how
It could have been,
Without the dreams.
When you're dreaming things are never what they seem.

I have tried throughout the long years,
To stand up and defeat all
Of my worst fears.
Still some remain,
But through the pain,
I've learned to see the sunlight through the rain.

And I'll find my way back home,
I don't intend to spend my
Life alone.
And in the end,
I'm my best friend.
I won't stop trying till I'm home again.


PRICE OF FREEDOM

Sometimes we stop and wonder
Who we have become,
Where our dreams have led us,
Life spent on the run.

All the time we wasted,
Proving who we are.
Reaching out for something,
Trying to touch the stars.

Crying in the nighttime,
Darkness hides the tears.
Laughing in the sunlight,
To cover up the fear.

Building up the image,
Wanting to be strong.
Looking for a reason,
Needing to belong.

All the sacrifices,
Was it worth the pain?
When we lost the innocence,
Was there something gained?

We learn from our mistakes,
Things we should have known.
Once we called it freedom,
Now we're just alone.

Dreams we still remember
Haven't touched them yet.
Scattered in between them,
Nightmares to forget.

Time can change the rules,
The game gets hard to play.
The lonely price of freedom,
Is sometimes hard to pay.


NO PLACE TO RUN

I was born to run,
Born to dream,
Taking love wherever I find it.
I had to do it my way.
Now I'm on my own,
On my knees,
Memories, sneak up behind me.

A two time loser,
In the game of love.
Nearly talked my heart
Into giving up.

From the coast of California,
Just lying in the sun,
To the freezing days in Maine,
I kept it on the run.

Never slowing down,
Or trying to foresee,
Where the life I led
Would soon be leading me.

Now here I stand alone,
No place left to run.
Fighting with my pride,
Searching for a home.

Days are growing shorter,
Winter's coming on.
Where do the flowers go,
When summer days are gone?

The nights are getting colder,
With every setting sun.
No need for moving on,
No place left to run.


THAT'S THE WAY IT GOES

So you're sailing along,
Singing your song,
Running down that empty highway.

Not really sure why,
You broke down to cry,
When you said "I've got to do it my way."

But time and hope goes on,
Although you're all alone.
And everybody knows,
That's the way it goes.

Now you're all out of clues,
With nothing to lose,
But the pain and thoughts behind you.

And despite all your fears,
You have dried all your tears,
Your past will never be able to find you.

If you had to try again,
You wouldn't keep it all within,
Then only you would know,
That's the way to go.


SOMEDAY WE'LL KNOW

Well here we are again my friend,
Back in the same old place again,
And the memories are coming back so clear.
Yes, we're right where we began,
Before we took our hearts and ran,
And I still feel that old familiar fear.


Now tell me, can you recall,
How we thought about it all,
When we left here in search of foolish dreams?
But they took too long to find,
Or we never took the time
To discover what all those dreams could mean.

Is it worth the chance to try,
Before the chance has passed us by,
To forget the dreams and settle for our pride?
We have given all we can,
And we may never understand,
If the dreams were lost or just too deep inside.

For we may never find the way,
Or the words we need to say,
All the things we've held inside us for so long.
But if we let the feelings go,
Then someday we'll surely know,
If our love was right and all the dreams were wrong.


WRITER'S QUESTION

Through all the lines I've written,
And things I've tried to say,
Was anybody listening
Or has time Just passed away?

The songs and poems are growing,
Though few have ever heard.
And still I search in silence
For the meaning to my words.

There's something out there somewhere,
We all have yet to find.
But here I am in nowhere,
As I add another line.


And somewhere within each line
There's a tiny part of me,
From a past and future time
Where I was and hope to be.

Are you out there listening,
Do you hear my words?
Did you understand
Where my feelings were?

Have I made a point,
Will you ever learn?
When a heart's on fire
Do the feelings burn?

Through nights of inspiration,
And days I hoped for some,
I've suffered the frustrations,
As I wait for words to come.

And now I often wonder
If all was done in vain.
Are my feelings silent thunder,
And my words just falling rain?

But no one has the answers
As I search from day to day.
I'm Just another dancer
In this lonely passion play.

But still the words keep flowing,
Like emotions on the wind,
As the wind is forever blowing,
So the writer writes again.


ANSWERS IN THE WIND

Listen to the rain softly falling,
Let it wash our heartaches away.
We're part of the future, hear it calling,
From the darkness we can build a better day.

But I'm frightened for us baby,
That the lives we are living are in vain.
And I'm praying that our wishful dreams
Will stop the rain.

And I, don't know all the answers,
To the questions I can see within your eyes.
So I won't make any promises
That turn to lies.

Soon we'll see the dawn's silent breaking,
With colors that brighten our sky.
Have faith in the chances we're taking,
Then we'll see the rising sun will show us why.

Now we're so damn close to winning,
And the feeling we have found we'll never lose.
There's just no time to hesitate
Or sing the blues.

We must make our way together,
If we ever want to find out who we are.
And the hands of fate that brought us here
Will take us far.

Can't you feel the world slowly turning?
It's bringing us out of the night.
We're part of the flame that is burning,
And our warmth is growing stronger in the light.

But we've got our share of problems,
And I wonder if we really are to blame.
If the world had never touched our lives,
Would we be the same?

Now we're in this life together,
And it's time we figured out which way to go.
For there's so much waiting up ahead
We need to know.


Can't you feel the warmth quickly spreading?
Feels like our hearts are on fire.
It's drying the tears we've been shedding,
And burning up our souls with desire.

We will fight the many demons,
And the love I feel for you I will defend.
I will try to keep you safe and warm
Until the end.

Then when the game is over,
We will try to find another we can play.
And the losses we have suffered through
Will fade away.

Listen to the wind softly blowing,
I feel all the answers are there.
My life seems much better in knowing,
That the dreams we share can take us anywhere.


BEYOND OUR DESTINY

Where did it all begin,
And will it ever end?
When you think the pain is over
The feelings start again.

The world we thought we knew,
Is hard to understand.
Will we ever learn the reasons
Behind the Master's plan?

We try for love and peace,
Then let it slip away.
Like reaching out to touch the gold
But only finding clay.

And when we thing we've won,
The prize is hard to see.
It's still somewhere so far away
Beyond our destiny.