no other methods of categorization seemed appropriate, poems are listed
by year, beginning with the most recent. The number below the year is
my approximate age at the time. Poems date back as far as 1975 (14 years),
so please be gentle with me in those earlier years. I was discovering
solo the joys of expression on paper.
You have been my mate all of my life.
Yet you have dreamed on my pillows
for scarcely two weeks.
It has been a whirlwind.
It has been hectic.
It has been sensuous.
It has been exciting and revealing.
It has been natural.
It has been a miracle.
It has been a lifetime's fulfillment
and a dream come to life...
Something you do...
make dreams real...
Give empty syllables
meaning and truth..
Give spiraling thoughts
ground to land...
Elusive, faded wisps of memories
disseminate into the past
Serving no more
than obscure divergence
To finally bring me safely here...
leaving only you...
To know the warmth of my skin
to feel the touch of my hands
to hear the breadth of my words
From the bottomless depths
of my once bittersweet soul
No harrowing, thickly verse
left to seep from my fingers,
Only clear and sparkling clarity
of a peaceful past cemetery
etching to meet today,
Fantasies crystallized into futures
of which each precious moment I long...
begging more than my deserving share ...
That I may have time to tell you
what you mean to me...
how much I love you
COME OUT TO PLAY
In life, in love, in all we know
Does something yet remain?
A voice unheard,
A sight unseen,
A rhythm to the rain.
A deeper realm, another choice,
A place to go to quiet the voice
of silent screams,
and ghost filled dreams,
that touch the light of day.
In hopes, in prayers, in lover's eyes
A balance must be found.
A hand to hold,
A touch to feel,
A softly whispered sound.
I love you dear, forever more.
Today is but an open door
To all we'll be
Just you and me,
Won't you come out to play?
are the one,
The sight that I've seen,
The humming rhythm,
To the raindrops gleam
That touches light of day
In the furthest realm
The voice that I hear
Falling quite old cries
With every tear
That touches waves of day.
The light of my night
A hand cupped in mine
A balance of knowledge
The sound in my rhyme
You bring forth
The sounds of the day
Forever you call me
to come forth and play
And Forever, my love,
I will stay.
Enshrouded by enfeebling darkness
the child sees, but does not feel
Shadowed blankets upon her body.
The hammered beating of her heart
a frenzied lullaby
coaxing tearless eyes to sleep.
Slipping into dreams too deep,
She pretends recall of sunlight rays
but knows the ancient, distant heat
Teasing cord-chaffed skin
to blistered meat
While basting long-left bodies
birthing fetid, heavy fever.
She whispers thought,
but does not speak
Of a place where dainty crystal sounds
come not from frozen spirits' frowns,
into refuged madness
into perverse sadness.
Where flesh of tender bended knee
bears no gritted graveyard seed,
A place where only angels sing,
Where worlds are born from poets' dreams,
Where forever's secrets may unfold
into gardens sewn of love's pure soul....
know you now,
In spite of dignity thought lost,
And not withstanding formed failures elapsed.
In defiance of copper
cast in ravaged ravines.
I feel the embracement of radiant rapture.
The alien sensation of my spirit unchained
Gives swell to euphoric waves
of freedom's delight
Livening currents of breath,
dulled from impervious air
I breathe the sumptuous
Through the dark, tunneled sight
of legacies lived
By means known only
to prey of the damned
In virtue of luminous liberation of sage
I see salvaged ascendment of wings.
Unyielding to ghosts
guarding barred dowry chests
Forsaking the stillness
of Morpheus' mourning
Validating a dream suspended by veil
I touch webs silken soft now with gold.
Once bruised and degraded,
floating gulfs of despair
urging disgardment of drive
Washed out by resounding entrancement
I hear purring of honey dipped whispers.
In a world made of magic
through fingers of rhyme
And through eyes brimming
with tender and passion
By virtue a clarity given soulful by heart
I know truth and harmonious treasure.
For I know of you now and forever.
I see your wings
Abundant in glistening plumage
Catching flaxen beams of moonlight
Rimmed with the sapphire
of a distant haze
I see your heart
Open, urging dancing rhythmed beat
To trust in verdant vellumous courtyards
To climb smoky mountains
of crumpled velvet.
I hear your whispers
Humming promises of Eden's gardens
As butterflies scrawling poetry in the air
Of melodious, perfumed verse,
to kiss my ears.
I see my ghosts
With lanterned-eyes of hollowed green
Thundering ominous bellows of sentenced creed
Where tarnished tufts
waft sloven, stale webs.
Where perilous phantoms
oath the pillage of dreams.
Praying softy I seek the strength
To reflect reveling wonders of your essence
So unsoiled and sheer,
a shimmering moonfall
To resound veiled auras, at most shadowed by you.
Betrayal of his trusted friend
Who once proclaimed and still pretends
Illusions saucy thick with mist
A rebirth from the great abyss
Assuming pearls are 'thrown at swine'
That he is never to be mine
How dare a fellow poet try
to twist clever quill to alibi
A shadowed ghost by own design
weaving eternal worlds
through structured rhythm
he holds deep inside
as foolishly gold
and sexual demise
Never once was a truth
exposed from her lips
A "unified cord" was only a myth
What lies there right now
is nothing more
Than what others see
in Hade's own whore
A glorified angel, she will never be
Not in this life or in fantasy
For angels cast no cunning smiles
While wishing others to ashen piles.
No "frozen metal" here to touch
Just pearls and light
that mean so much.
Yes, souls in question still intact
No choices made need find retract.
Yes, her own cord so cleanly cut
From "love" and trust, to hate and smut
Choices made beyond bridges burned
Looks like poor 'angel' missed her turn.
energized heat from my body.
I feel my flesh
and hear my breath.
I do not feel
the sting of tears behind my eyes,
when my father abruptly dies,
or when his wife fills ears with lies
(and bruises thighs),
or when my plane no longer flies.
I feel my
heartbeat, but not my heart.
My body, it seems, is the only part
to know of emotion through sex and demise,
to know of belonging entangled with cries.
when a lover is gone.
with an origin all twisted and wrong.
All the needy and swallow, and never too long...
a tune without song...
I feel my
I long to feel my heart.
thought about you late today
And saw you in sweet slumber.
I could see you question the touch on your cheek.
Who brushed a silken strand from your eyes,
And hushed the silence of repose treading through
your somnolent world.
I saw slight movement on your face
As you wondered
at the warmth of breath
on your lips.
It was I
Who kissed a sleeping Prince
In hopes of an invitation
Into your dreams.
And so you did
And I rested in your arms
Until slatted sunrays woke me
my winged and gratis journey
To where you are
So far away.
But who am I that I should ask
Of promises through times of past.
I want your heart, your passion's soul
The spirit, body, the mind, the whole.
But you I can not pull inside of me...
Or banish that which makes you breath
To covet this would surely be
A lifetime of character,
Rendering lessons of pain...
I would yearn for you to see
Your memories only with me
My heart the only you've kissed,
My soul - the only you've missed
For all the times and lives gone by
And all the future destinies
But oh, such fate, it is not so.
How was I to ever know?
My love would be so selfish...
The prejudice of my own wish....
To replant the seeds you sow
Would only bind you as you grow
A QUESTION OF PLACE
by tattered angels' wings,
Or so in verse, it so painfully seems,
To be of an entwining, spherical theme.
My plume floats through the air
with still the others first there...
Begging the question of dreams
Is love for my being
or inspiring flight
Bringing thought to theme
on downy quill's lone night
Cords lace though some
Others tie undone
Still fewer wrap strands around you
A passionate author once wrote,
(he pumped reversible moats),
"Love is not to be picked apart
or scrutinized too closely."
So I impose jealous in heart,
Crying through feathered-ink art
Surrounded by faces so ghostly.
I Intrude into realms I'm now part of...
...And entities crow,
"You really should go,
There are places you need not explore
The lake is their own,
not for your soul to roam
Shut quiet the door...
To the cabin....
You do not need...
to be here...."
I scream through my tears,
"This can not be true!
I have known of this touch for all years!"
I tremble to hear
of a love save and clear
Then I weep for displacement of fears.
will go then
I will learn to love again
but in a manner gentle to the heart
I will make love
and learn to embrace it
for the sake of the act itself
Never again will my spirit groan
in united pleasure
of being one and whole
As it was when our bodies
met in passionate tremors
Our heartbeats thumped in rhythm
Steady and Balanced
through shared and fevered blood
Spinning light in our heads
All thoughts, all body...one.
When I make
I will know only me
and my body
carnal and alone
My mouth will cry in pleasure
My heart weep silent in grief.
Then get ready
For the price
that you pay,
The pain you feel each and every day.
I will only be left detached and alone,
Violently ripping the marrow
through every bone
If they do
not fail you, they you will fail them
Out of twisted need or fantastic whim.
Once momentum is found, it is never the same,
Bolted tight is the door from whence you came.
So get ready
The poet in
no way can give up his hope.
But the lover inside lets go of the rope.
Falling and falling with nowhere to land,
Forever the tears number grains of the sand.
Tomorrow’s dreams began yesterday
While shadows loomed
and hopes were doomed
Red-colored faith and tender kisses
Of sweet perfection from tender soul wishes
Tomorrow’s dreams were packed away
In a tear dampened chest
which rusted closed
Muffling out restless sounds of dying embers
of purpose, and love proposed
Now naked of image and desire for the future
Dreams ominously held tightly
the visions of night
confirming heart’s scars
and reaching for stars
making larger the fissure
as they curve out of sight
Yesterday’s dreams held a future of past
Beginning with diamonds
reducing to coal
Reverting through vortex
events from the orb
As a snake on it’s tail,
twas a heart on it’s soul
Then I met with my future,
the source of my light
Hearing music of angels
in soft symphonies
Resounding of hope
from the heaven's bright stars
Revealing truth and a path
of love's destinies
traced tear streaked eyes
A touch strummed and teased
a dusty golden cord.
Lifting songs of feather grace,
to a wondrous place
Where darkness and grief flees
from Precious Prince's sword
Today’s dreams are shining
with bright glowing glimpses
Of Tomorrows in glory
and grants of all wishes
Unrestrained by the shackles
or boundaries of fences
No more tracking back time,
or the fate of near misses
The rusty damp box
has returned to the soil
Giving life to new blooms
and preventing further spoil
Since the Prince of My Dreams
came and showed me the way
Tomorrow's’ sweet dreams
are now lived in today
(Companion Poem to Stained Glass)
I sit silently in this room.
Walls of graying stone
and dying mortar...
Damp and seeping moisture,
Tears tracing laggard trails
through mired clefts,
the products of age
And heedless neglect.
Silence echoes thunder in the mind
to become an overpowering roar
Past voices gutter sleeping memories
of those who, long ago,
were inside this place...
breathe deep to feed my lungs,
to clear my mind...
but none is disentangled...
Sluggish air used too many times,
too long ago...
chokes my dry and swollen throat,
and sends my heart into
close my eyes
against the webbed recesses
of my now familiar cell...
Making shadowed fog
of the jagged, narrow porthole
through which I see.
Making quiet the thick,
of the past
of which I hear.
I catch a breath,
a scent of warmth
I've known before,
In a dream, so many years ago...
I breathe deep,
this time to rouse my lungs,
stretching their eager tissues
to capture each
and every particle.
invite life into my body,
breathing deeper and heavier
delicious flesh odors
within my heaving chest...
I open my eyes and rise
from my sullied sentence chair
and see before me...
like feathered wings
on weightless air,
to embrace the enlightenment
from the Windows.
see latticed, gleaming light
revealing depths of landscape
unlike any I'd known on Earth.
Dusty-green ravines twine
through silver, smoky bluffs
rising high above the soil...
The common creature.
Through the Windows I see
the sheltering mushrooms
stir gently from the whisper
of warm breezes.
sun blushes rosy-red,
as if witness to the intertwining
of two long-lost, kindled lovers.
It causes turquoise-streaked skies
to fill with golden radiance,
illuminating the lands
With the rainbow sheen
of artist's oils
on tranquil, dusky waters.
Through the Windows I see
of late summer's evening,
a time of rest
and quiet renascence...
The hope of a new morrow
bringing dawn's dew to dance
like stars of water
on vibrant morning blossoms.
The dankened, clammy, air
turn to sweet and heated breath
on my face.
I close heavy eyes once more
the tender suspiration
on my flesh,
And etch the revelations
of the Windows
in my mind forever.
A dimension of forever...
And when I raise my eyes again
Stony walls crumble into ashen,
Pearls of light fall
and bounce at my feet
and echo melodies in the air...
Into the Windows I can see
the very essence of your being
Looking through Windows
back at me...
of Your Precious Soul
have freed me from that prison
May I gaze into Your Windows
Till a rose is no more crimson.
I love you so very much...
RESPONSE TO A POEM
was for me,
you do so many things
The pure simplicity of this...
yet awesomingly overwhelming
beauty of nature...
You are so good...
You are loved so very much...
You are my heart's shining light
My first thought at dawn
And my last thought at night
The melody in my song
You are the mirror to my soul
And the the twinkle in my eye
Your love, it makes me whole
And gives me wings to fly
STUPID COMPUTER SCREEN
I'm just sitting here
pouting at the screen...
.....lookin' back at me like that...
...always getting in my fingers' way...
........always having the very last say...
......suckin' me in with waves of radiation.....
.......giggling pixies point sane annihilation...
...watchin' me crumble in an funky blue glow...
.......bouncing through patterns of disengaged snow....
...flickering faster the throbbing till my very soul screams...
.....I too can be mean, with my eyes in a gleam...
....I'll turn it's ass green.....
I go within
stepping into places
where air pulses
musty lavender perfume…
heavy in my lungs
it lingers to quietly settle there.
Heart striking thunderous
blows against my ribs,
A drunkards line
I wondered and wept
For that place
where immortals lie in peace
and poets have the power
and tears are kissed away
by dankened earth.
ravens are illuminated gold,
And crimson lips utter no lies
Hazel eyes turn softest gray
to ebony fluid pools
suckling my soul.
Why are you near
and everywhere but here?
What I think to be me
Your eyes I can’t see
I so want to be free
To stroke your heart
with fingertips you’ve kissed goodnight
and lips knowing the quiver
of your sweet whispered name.
Without you it’s dark,
and ponderously dark.
Searching with open arms
like a blind man
seeking shelter from the pain
of empty sightless eyes.
Yours I can’t see.
I so want them to be
Inside here with me,
making quiet the voices thick
and leaden with blood
crying death’s somber release.
to breathe musty lavender perfume
when you are everywhere but here
wires snaking everywhere
we float but never land
Single footprints tamp a dusty trail,
No music here.
Only wind teasing tender ears.
of the mind,
No where to go
Where the roads are known
From travel alone,
A bridge through time to figment
More real to feel
Than earthly appeals,
No superficial bereavement.
Bestow the seeking, hungry soul
Wishes of flight and lover's carol.
Make all images true,
Then pray manifest You
Before the last road
through the marrow.
It's all been explored,
With a bard prince's sword
Evoking places in planes of spirit.
An essence in quill,
But completed it's still,
Thoughtsteps which echo no lyrics.
This voyage of a heart,
Opening every part,
Must be shown
the reflect of appraisal.
So impressions fall into place,
twice harmonious pace,
to all that is basal.
union brings that
which was dormant
To glow feverent with breath.
Revived roads are composed,
Eclipsed memories disposed,
And the hearts, to each one,
You come to me in tides...
Surges reaching to the stars,
To the powerful, yet gentle lunar force
Which with cadence, beckons us home,
Through its glowing, ghostly beacon of life.
Pulsing and melodious, alleviating and lucid,
Reflecting and lacing brilliant crystals
Over black-velvet waters of our soul.
You come to me in tides...
Stretching forces of life and rhythm
To a shore of tranquil, utter comfort,
Possessing yet fierce power of passion,
The encompassing wave of crowning love.
Before its wake, it billows a pure and purging crest
Drowning parasitic barnacles, and filling spaces of
Spiraling, ebony undertows of darkness.
You come to me in tides...
we stroll along the shore,
The long, spindly slanted patterns
Of our evening, moon shadows
Casts images on the sands far behind us.
Never to obscure our course ahead again,
None ever to force their murky vessels
Into the ports of our rich and bountiful sea.
You come to me in tides...
filling and moving my empty sails,
Swirling and dancing of natures celebration
Through satin pastel, moonlit skies,
Awakening senses long quiet and forgotten,
And glittering dreams, once thought illusioned,
Lifting gull's wings free and unbound in skies,
Lifting me to meet your beauty in the heavens.
In tides, you come to me
A BAD DRUG (and a worse poem)
found my drug
don't come from no bug
or foreign fibers in rugs
I wanna get REAL high
soar UP through the sky
with you by my side
Gazillions of miles
from the frigid winter
But just keep me away
from the rehab center...
full of love I am for you,
Heart am bursting at the seams...
I feel the chambers aching,
against restrictions of the flesh.
To finally break free
.....and flow forth
love's sweetest, purest nectar
Filling all our spaces
in every level...
of the world...
And it continues to flow,
A never-ending spring,
Seeping through thirsty, uncharted earth,
....in this dimension
....and in others not yet even known...
waiting for us to discover
and set free.
saga JRILY ©12/1999
light flickers send soft shadows
To dance amongst the memories of you.
In quiet solitude I sit, with quill in hand,
senses caressed by reflective visions
swirling behind closed lids.
I inhale the aroma of rich, oily wax
-- tickling my throat, filling my lungs --
breathing in the fragrance of our love.
longer my adversary...
Takes me back to a place,
moments not long passed,
Where you asked...no...pleaded...
to forever share your life,
to join you in a formal union of heart and soul.
evening was high...
Pinpoint stars, peering curiously
through the skylight window...
As we lay together amongst slippery bubbles
of warm, musk scented clouds.
Like the stars above,
Tiny flames twinkled in a circle of mirrors,
casting illusionary, endless images of forever
reflected by hanging crystals
into looking glass walls.
and deliberately we began to bathe,
purifying ourselves for each other,
Cleansing away the ash of misbegotten fires
and soiled, sloven memories...
Rinsing away ruinous sediments of mistrust
and shattered hope...
a well-lathered, feather-light sponge
we took turns dancing in tepid waters,
Cleansing each other
with smooth and somber passage,
Bringing tender, graceful touches
to every inch of flesh...
...rinsing and nibbling...
heated bodies, sparkling with a fevered,
yet gentle glow.
skin...appearing as dewy petals
in a soft spring shower...
candles masquerading as tiny suns
giving a warm light to flesh
the teasing touch of water droplets,
like warm raindrops,
sliding across our bodies
as they responded to the heavier
but no less tender touch
of each other's hands.
Hands wanting nothing more than to awaken
and convey total, consuming love.
became misty from the water's warmth
and the passionate energy
of its enraptured bathers.
Reflecting back, in our candlelit eyes,
veiled images of ourselves...
An image blurred,
appearing more of one body than of two.
pulled close to you,
my legs wrapped about your waist
feeling the heat from your body
merging with my own
and settling inside the tender aspects
of my thighs.
Unspoken thoughts of one mind are shared
Through the mirrors of the soul
Knowing now we are ready, we are cleansed,
and exclusively deserving of each other.
No longer two separate elements
or members of love,
but one conjoined and synchronized
bodily miracle of God...
(Please marry me...)
Moisture now from inside the soul
Seeps gently against its windows
Glowing from behind the eyes,
dancing softly on tips of eyelashes,
We hold tight...
(Of course I will)
...I remember the words,
whispered dreams of that night,
A renewal of essence and innocence.
A beginning of bonded, eternal love.
A dance so beautiful, no quill can capture
my own laying limp in my trembling hand
How of this will I ever write?
I lay drowning in an ocean of pain,
Where darkness swirled about my heart
in waves of defeat...
still I drown,
a love so deep and true
that to die is to live forever...
silence of our ocean engulfs a single,
a single cell of being...
so submerged in salt-filled sapphire,
no shadows reflect across our heart...
no tidals tug at dissolving shadows...
no fury travels spiral tows...
to drown a thousand deaths in your arms,
is to be blissfully alive for a thousand forevers
Alan W. Goodson & Sharon Angleman
illusion of love,
so soft, tempting and alluring
Cheshire grins promising that one perfect,
And the widow spins.
While the heart pretends
Not to notice innate, sloven moats
Or that the world around has gone gray
What's sought is not there.
The looking glass shattered from time.
Look not in the flame,
though the image remains
In the sphere of a lone poet's rhythm.
But never a lesson is learned.
Heed slick, tempestuous lips and fervent breath
Do not be fooled.
There is no genuine,
It's only honed quill alluding to death.
It gives blood to the verse
that poets rehearse
In their search for abiding Queen's land.
So in their delusion young lovers recite,
What they hold fondly in colander hands.
Not a thought do they give to life's natural sieve,
Or consider the end of their time.
It will come in a way that takes life away,
One morsel, one breath at a time.
Don't deceit with belief, don't believe with deceit.
Learn quickly the hollow bored hole.
Don't hope for a life, don't dare live without hope,
Seek not the adroit troll's toll.
Seek instead for no want of a soul.
once held kisses of gold and lavender scent
Ones with exploring and nibbling and licked velvet lips,
Demanding and tender, hungered soft whisper light,
Breathless and urgent they used pulsed fingertips
whimpering and wondrous sounds
Escaping from deep within throats,
Insistence and provocative mute invitation,
suckling and succulent...
hovering and feather touched...
Strong compelling caress
me dizzy and weak,
with no sense of time
Left me moist and electric,
as I knew they were mine.
am parched with nothing to fill
I will miss them with aching
till my heart finally stills.
no other creature stir,
I hear spirit-laden, evening voices
Promising that one perfect thing.
the shadow slows in tarry
and lefts a feathered, inky finger
to a sky thick and heavy from air
breathed through too many lungs.
My eyes follow the infinite, milky thread.
Past fleeing winds over broken fields,
To see a translucent, golden sphere levitating and illuminating
I have touched. And breathed. And quilled response
To allusiveness engraved on moist and thirsty eyes.
I know with senses all save one
The rhythm of their song lulls
my weary weight to rest.
The inky finger touches slowly my lids,
closing dilated, seeking eyes.
In and of a forest lush with shame and glory.
a sense of place seeping truth from abreast,
I lay on webs of softly rotting, dewy leaves
Suckling tranquil pulp of laborious seed,
none to be ever lonely more.
I groan with spirit-laden, evening voice
promises of that one perfect thing,
and look away to the birthing East
But feel a soul’s lusty mate in inky West skies.
of that thing which once we knew
spun webs of gold and etched diamonds blue,
what gave human beings their breath of life,
mated shaman on high with his one faithful wife.
of the one thing that we know to be,
that sovereign element we flawfully see,
the one that temps fervent selling of soul
lest you know Hypnos’ bed in lone doltish woe.
tell me sire Bryan, from hence you once came
Are there reams of stale wishes and desirous shame?
And of that one thing would you give it all
or succumb instead to the breathless fall?
among the mortals
the shopping malls
and ribald institutions
know my face would reveal nothing true.
We search them all before we are through.
Breath deep we embrace to espy that one thing
that gives to our words the song that they sing.
fills your lungs
if it is not me?
Burdened of its dream
To search far past
the cumbersome weight
to listen through the trees
that angels really fly
To watch above
Wherever you may be
Whatever be your name
May it be the same
I dare -
to once again expose?
only to reveal
a more tattered,
a little more used,
a bit wiser piece of my soul?
it is mine.
Lessons done well.
Time now to tutor
slivers of tiny glass
From your tender fingertips
To gently kiss away the pain
That I cause.
have a gun
sitting right here beside me.
put it to my head...
To feel that
I wished I
had the nerve
to do it.
God I wished I did.
I'd see my Daddy.
But would he be there
waiting for me?
I don't know.
Cause I don't know if he's there
or if I'll go there.
I need some serious help.
I need to
take some pills,
to help me l sleep.
Otherwise I'll fuck up.
God help me.
I know I don't deserve it.
But please, help me.
I need someone.
There's no one. I've tried.
I don't want
I just don't know
what else to do.
What else there is.
eagle, her eye of sharpened flint
A soul, bent
to witness...but with sightless eyes
If, then -
without apperception, the ego must
Heed! to the
devoid of passion...
but not of demand to be heard,
the wafting gusts,
the strong winds of propensity
Do no look
to the moon for sight
opaque wing of reason, seen as shadow overhead
And though it is not sought
It will soon be found
Do not mistake!
the eagle's flight for freedom
But know it as the passage of perspective
speak with fire and flame
Hear past, to that which gives
the kindle consciousness:
The sunned sky of open air
Do not mistake!
the wolf's cry for pleasure
But know that it is the keen of cognizance
Five Golden Rings
Why can I
not just tell it
To concern itself with simply
Its soulful function to tote my blood
From brain...to limb...to fingertips?
Fingertips!" It cries.
"Yes, fill them with blood!
Warm them fervent with thy flame!
So that in reaching for his cheek,
they will not consternate,
convey the heat
well harbored within the soul".
'No!' I deny.
'The fingers are not for endearment.
Not to spoor along his stalwart jaw.
Not to caress the soft black nape hair of his neck.
They are not to trace
the sinewy outline of his shoulder,
Not to follow his full lips to upturned corners.
They are not to feel
the rising swell of his chest,
Nor the valleys of his breastbone.
Not to tease the nipples if his withy breast.
Not to know the solid fleshly legs of steel,
Not the strapping vigor of his loins.'
'No, no. They
are not to pull
his warm unbridled body towards me.
They are to lead tiny buttons
through tidy cotton flannel holes.
To fumble through yellowed letters,
and shoo provoking ghosts.
To neatly stack the past in little colored journals.
To brush away gathered dust,
from books that once held promises.
They are meant to hold steady the quill.
To record all that is wrong with the world.
(And do nothing to change it).'
And the eyes
As life's fingers travel to pulp.
Knowing no one is really there.
They are only fragments.
Projected from wishful thoughts,
Bursting from hopeful minds.
Unable to reach.
Each in its own dimension.
Thousands and thousands of light years away.
Faded through use...and abuse...
Images through time keep not their shape.
Like the dusk fondling the daylight.
No match for the spindly fingers
Enclosing around its slender throat.
Time to close the dawn.
In the quicksand of the Mind.
Desynthesize the Sand.
flight into the room -
waiting to pounce -
to be free
As with the dear Pandora -
she will never be able to quiet them again.
Try as She may -
the secrets have been spoken
They will linger in the air forever
But never land.
What I would
give to love you
as love should be,
What I would give to not burn for you
from the shadows.
The closer I am to you -
the hotter the passion -
the deeper the pain -
Depart! from me -
this need for you
the desire to stroke your cheek,
to touch your lips -
to feel your strength -
Do not utter your words of need for me
as they will stab into my heart
and it will not heal.
Please tell me how you need me,
please tell me of your hunger for me
But do not say a word.
will always love you
I have always loved you
Should we spend our lives together -
It would be as if at the end of my days
I had lived the sweetest dream from which
I never woke.
I would know well of His handiwork
Should I wake -
I will forever and always mourn
the dream left unfinished
And spend my days...
and nights searching happiness
in a restless slumber of surrealism
through numbed and swollen eyes
Aching for the touch that never left my body
To dream of you through shackles and glass
Would be so painful...
and grievously unfair
Through lone shadows of imagination
I would wait for you in the Kingdom.
must have been bound
By a strength so great
dimensions could not penetrate
Because the first time you drank from my soul -
I knew how deeply I had always loved you.
I knew well
how your touch made me tremble
It was feverish...and sweet
It was safe...
We had embraced
in an eternal tailspin of ecstasy
It is devoid of reason why,
His plan can not be consummated.
It is our responsibility to do His will
and play by the rules
set forth so long ago.
He has given us pawns for elimination
To sacrifice for the sake of King and Queen
And don't let the dark knight come between them -
for once it has invaded - it can not be blocked -
and others may dare not remove it -
So the King or Queen must back away
the adversary's dark Knight come
between us. We play so well together.
Let's play forever.
Let's dream together
Such a fool am I
To watch you peer into my window
And do nothing to stop you,
Until you have already grasped the nullity
To find your fingers dripping,
As the solid core rests gently in your palm.
It quivers-and shrinks back-and lurches forward
to your touch.
The anchor of my soul shattered.
Hear the glass twinkle . . . as it falls.
See the sunlight catch the razor's edge . . .
Do not halt my hands as they dispatch
to reclaim shards that bring forth blood,
From my grazed and tethered heart.
Such a fool am 1, to think my hand quicker than your eye.
Fluid crystals have shackled my limbs at sight
To expose the longing . . . and desire
for no man to see.
Know I let you do this. Didn't I?
Knight has invaded.
The queen must back down.
The King stays where he is - where he always will be.
has begun to feast on its meal.
Morsel by tender morsel
Till all that's left is a memory
of what it was.
What was it?
Another change gone by?
Does it really fucking matter?
be answered with an unprecedented
not because this is now -
- that was then -
Even if only yesterday.
Yesterday matters only in how it affects today
- which it has.
said the spider to the fly.
Who's the spider
and who's the fly?
You know -
the fly does just that
- it flies
The Knight has no dawn
struggle against an angry tide
can wear the spirit thin -
Into the dark abyss of the ocean floor
To see creatures of times long past
They beckon with their glowing eyes
join us and feel the weightlessness
of life among thieves -
for we steal your soul and the laughter
once put forth from your heart...
And your hope, we take as well"
body you own will soon collapse
The crest has taken toll
Against the scarred and rotten pilings.
Some relief is felt when the tide recedes
But as sure as the illumination of the west full moon
The stress will return"
afoot this wooden avenue
Will surely invite you as our guest.
Sit down, relax and stay awhile
Your thoughts are safe with us."
may be - habitual in mind
What yonder waits beneath the bridge?
To move ones paralyzed and weighted limb
Is to silence the creatures of times long past.
the days and nights go by
that I do not see your face
I begin to wonder - and worry
That it is not real
I begin to
question the memory
of your touch - and lips
I begin to wonder where the tears
have come from
I'm sure I
remember the first kiss
and the last
It was you wasn't it
That turned my soul inside out
It was you
that looked deep into my eyes
and reached into my heart
and took it.
It is you, isn't it, who still has it?
Tiny booted feet trod happily their shape,
Perfect symmetry soon displaced.
Rubber feet of porcine plows, implanting ruthless tread.
Jostling aside seraphic purity
Against the frigid concrete lip
Created of man's convenience
It becomes a solid coal of ice . . . and mud,
To be looked upon with distaste
And alienated revolt . . . and wished away.
So once again can be seen, the gray obscurity of asphalt,
Adorned in dross and litter waste of lives.
A camel butt tossed mindlessly from a passing auto
into the mucky slush of the perfect snowflake.
to the world dear child
Your needs we will fulfill
For our job is such to see this
Just remember to be still.
We have supplied
the shoes and socks
And a roof over your belly
What more one needs, we do not know
Maybe cracked wheat bread and jelly?
It is your
need, and our desire
That we raise you to know discipline
When our straps are worn, and the skin is torn
Then we're sure there will be no mistakes again.
away from here and you look back
You'll know it's 'cause we love you
For our love we show with sticks and stones
And words that won't desert you.
Of a child
Long lost, Long forgotten
Her presence a nuisance, a blemish
On an infallible face
To live in coercion
Within the parsimonious gridiron
Of the subconscious
When the others are somnolent
And inattentive to her
You may find her
As an infantile
And scream...and shake her fists
At all who pass by
And to cry...when certain
They have all dissipated
Against the small shoulder
Of an unperceived
As they watched
from the shadows...with insufferable scorn
By a bigoted spinster, possessing stringent, dogmatic eyes
Colorless in conception
Who knows not of such things
Or of unanimity
crooked pine stands tall
against the crying sky
and fading starlight
Aching for the feel of the warmth
that East brings.
shallow in the earth
in search of the source
which brings it life.
A seed born
lies rotting on the needled carpet
Sap oozes from it's skin
like a mother's mournful breast
longing for her young to bring relief.
as arthritic joints of age
Brown and brittle through years
of use - and abuse - and neglect
As they drift slowly to soil
pausing in the moist breeze
before continuing their journey
to their final resting place
A seed born
Created of life - to bring life
lies rotting on a carpet
prepared of its own soul
am what you need in your doleful life
to make it all complete.
You see, I can better care for you
than you ever knew you needed
to be quite frank, I'm a pro at this,
I've been doing it all my life.
I was given the role at an innocent age
To be caretaker of creation.
If I might
and I know you have the time:
None of the
mentors in my young life
Knew what this was all about
To care for one meant to do their best
to make themselves feel better
When anger rose and hearts were cold
their solution was ever weak
and it colored our souls and bodies
to mimic bruised, demented judgment.
I built a
moat 'round my puerile mind
And tended to its needs
I was new at this, but soon caught on
to the game and how it's played.
Look out for
number one -
after all the debts are paid -
lest ye be left owing, and find yourself alone
Dysfunctional adults found comfort in my wisdom
and after all, it was my job, to make them all feel better.
are mine. I will make it such
and fix your sorrows for you.
It's my JOB you see, a GIFT to ME,
repayment for childhood trauma
Cast all your cares on me, leave your troubles at my door
For anyone who beckons, I'll promise to do you more
And please take note, my needs are few,
but they do require inspection
and the job is yours to seek these out
In this, I can not help you.
and faded curtains
touch their threads to the wind
Once dotted with daisies and violets
now gray with age and abandonment
by a single rusted hinge
And taps softly against the rotting wood
that long ago was structured with hope
which never shut quietly
Now stationary in silence
plays host to reclusives
Inviting them in
to a once humble abode
To gaze through
a dusty shattered pane
would reveal shards of glass lying
in tired overgrown weed
Which triumphed over roses
once planted with hope
ghosts are seated in web-covered chairs
around a dingy formica table
legs bent from the burden of the broken crock.
They commemorate in whispers
heard only by the rudimentary residents
who now claim this home
and all echoes of laughter
through the halls and the room
only a musty decaying mattress remains
from which behind peers
with angry bared teeth
the once humble abode.
that grown men never cry -
Know that whoever said that cried often
And ate quiche.
on any one thing too long -
Unless it's really worth it
It may never be worth it
It always is.
for anything you don't have -
Unless you have time to daydream
a blind jump -
Until you've first searched your soul
And closed your eyes
a bad decision -
Do something to change the results
Not all bad decisions have repercussions
There are always repercussions
Make certain that's what you want changed
for the answers -
Don't always expect to find them
There will always be an answer
Sometimes it may be that there is none
the stars are too far to reach -
Always reach for them
When you grasp one, hold on tight
Know when to let go
Never let go
no one person on earth is innocent -
Always hold innocence and purity dear to heart
Innocence and ignorance and ivory is pure
'never and can not' are vital pieces of vocabulary -
You can not be too careful, use them wisely
Never use them
who you are and where you came from -
Forget who you are sometimes
a rose is one of the most beautiful things to behold -
Remember that it has thorns
Handled carefully, they will not afflict
you can always talk to me -
Remember that I will always be your friend
In this there are no incongruities
Always remember fourteen.
A child is born today
the warmth of her mother's soft breast
She will learn of childhood smiles and games,
the love that puppies give.
Does she realize
she's living in hell?
Where is heaven Mommy?
For what purpose
was this child born?
To learn of anguish, hatred...of pain?
Why must this child be born?
Mommy knows she's living in hell
Too bad -
the child doesn't know of a lover leaving.
She will learn.
She will learn
of adult games.
She will learn of rejection.
Why must this
Why must children be born?
For what purpose do people live?
To learn of these things?
learn of these things,
why must she?
born to learn of wars...
To stab the back of a once child.
To survive - barely.
Maybe not to survive at all
Mommy - your
child's lover has left her.
Maybe that's why she was found
in her studio apartment
with two empty bottles
one of downers
one of scotch
Is she in heaven now Mommy?
A child is born today.
purpose of one -
to fulfill the needs of others
if to be allowed.
My purpose - my songs.
But the songs are never heard.
Nearing the end of my second decade,
my place not seen yet.
My place has been taken.
A mistake has been made.
My time is not yet.
Perhaps it is time to shed this life
and begin anew -
as an infant
with no concerns -
shy of survival
There is no
end in death,
only a new
a new purpose
To you leave my memories
To God I leave my soul
long white halls, the crisp whit sheets
Are all part of her empty life now
The doctors, the downers, the useless minds
He said they would love, He'd show her how
the quicksand of her thoughts
In memory of walks in the rain
Portraying a part in a silent film now
Don't believe in him, it will drive you insane
He said she'd
survive without him
But look how she's surviving now
A pounding inside pleas to be free
Must these nurses hold her down?
got the power anymore
To withstand a lovers quarrel
In the world with screaming minds
Not even the power for sorrow
a uniform of imaginary
Past the straightjacketed woman next door
Remembering two once happy lovers
But she ain't go the power anymore
No, she ain't got the power anymore
Her fair white
walls begin to close
Her gown begins to turn red
A nail in her wrist may soothe her appetite
Turning the idea within her insane head
point far beyond reality
To kiss the viper's fang
Does sanity come with death's release
Or do you sleep forever silent
And she ain't
got the power anymore
No, she ain't got the power anymore
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